Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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