When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Did I show you my penis last night?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
