just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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