The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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