I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
