we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
