my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
