mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
