She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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