Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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