forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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