so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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