Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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