What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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