I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
