i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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