I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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