Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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