I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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