Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
