just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
