I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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