hotel room ftw
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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