lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
