She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
