If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
