Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
