On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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