My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
