My room smells like vodka and shame
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
