She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
