Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
