I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
