I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
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