I skipped work to stalk him.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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