Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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