respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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