So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
