I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wish my penis had a tongue
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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