The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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