she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
