i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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