omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
