can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
