I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
