Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize