did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
