A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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