he puts the penis in happiness.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
