they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
