Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
