We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
