you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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