Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
