im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
