Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
